Part of the Jessica/Katelyn Series. It's summer and Katelyn is having difficulties with channeling her anxieties to positive energy. On a particularly bad day, she gets frustrated with her twin and does something that we would normally expect out of Jessica.
**Self-injury themes presented in the latter parts of this story. Not suitable for those who may get triggered or offended by such material.**
Never Again Part I
It was summer and school had been out for a couple of weeks. I’d successfully finished the year with all A’s. Despite that close encounter with the B-, I made it out with nearly perfect grades. Things were looking up with Jessica too. After that whole thing with the school and unwarranted searches, we’d been getting along better than ever. It was awesome. I felt like I had my sister back, almost. But anyways, to move on with the story: it was summer, which naturally meant do nothing, eat and drink what you want when you want, stay up late and break rules. Well, I did everything except for the first and last ones. Haha, that’s probably what got me into trouble. So scratch the not breaking rules. I did that one too. Oh and the doing nothing, I probably actually did that one as well. So I did all four. Haha, just don’t listen to me. It’s something you should have learned by now.
So it had been exactly two weeks and one day since school had been let out, a Saturday. It was sometime in the early afternoon and I was downstairs in the kitchen, getting a mountain dew, for like the fourth or fifth time. Which honestly, was pretty ridiculous, since it was only 12:41 and it was already my fourth caffeinated drink. And Robert called me out on it.
“Katelyn,” he said. “How many of those have you had?”
“This is only my second.” I blatantly lied.
“Uh huh,” he replied, turning the page of the newspaper he was reading, “And I’m not a doctor. Put it back, Katelyn.”
“But Robert,” I whined.
“Katelyn, put it back now. I’m not going to ask you again.” He said sternly.
“But it really is only my second.”
“You’re about as good at lying as I am at drawing.” He looked at me. “Now put it back. You’ve had enough caffeine for the day. You don’t need more.”
I gave an exasperated sigh, “Fine. It’s not like I wanted it anyway.”
“Watch the attitude, Kate.”
I rolled my eyes and muttered to myself, “Whatever.” Then I stormed off and went to my room, slamming the door behind me. Jessica looked up from the magazine she was reading, a questioning look on her face. “I hate Robert.” I said as I plopped backwards onto my bed.
“That’s a first,” she replied. “I see you finally joined the dark side.”
“Why exactly do you hate Robert again?”
“He yelled at me for grabbing a soda.” She looked at me strangely as I paused. “I know, I know, right? It’s childish and stupid, but don’t I get to be like that for once?” She blinked at me nonchantantly. I gave an exasperated, moaning sigh and screamed into my pillow. “Just shut up, Jessica.”
“I didn’t say anything. I was just si-“
“Ok, geeze,” she said, offended, “No need to be a bitch about it.”
“Don’t call me a fucking bitch!” I screamed.
“Then don’t be one!” Jessica screamed back.
I glared at her, “Fuck you!”
“Fuck you right back!”
“Jessica, I swear to God...”
“You swear to God what?”
“I will fucking hit you if you don’t shut the fuck up!”
“Go right on ahead then! See if I care!” She screamed in a sarcastic tone of voice.
“Fine!” I roared as I ran across the room and literally attacked her, tackling her to the ground. “I will!” I screamed as I pulled at her hair and kicked her. She was kicking and punching me right back.
That was when I heard knocking on the door and shouting from the other side. “Jessica Lynne, Katelyn Rose, you’d better open this door right now if you know what’s good for you!” But I didn’t listen, I just kept punching and kicking her, that is, until the door swung open and I felt my brother’s strong arms lift me up and pull me away from my sister. But he wasn’t gentle about it at all. In fact he pushed me away from her into a corner. “Katelyn Rose, you stay right there, and I mean it!” he said, as he went over to tend to my sister. It wasn’t until he had pushed me there that I had seen the damage done. Blood was streaming from Jessica’s head and nose all the way down. Her left eye was swollen and black and she was breathing heavily. I started sobbing. Had I really done that?
Robert looked at Jessica, then looked at me in disbelief, glaring at me. “Katelyn Rose Parker, I cannot believe you. We’re going to have a long talk about this after I take care of your sister.” I couldn’t believe me either. It wasn’t in my nature to do such a thing. I stared down at my hands; there was blood on them. And that’s when I really broke and fell down to the floor, burying my face in my arms. How could I do that? I didn’t even know I was capable of it.
From across the room I could hear Robert talking to Jessica, but she didn’t answer. “Calm down, Jess. It’s ok. You’re gonnna be ok, I promise.” I lifted my face from my arms, seeing Robert cradling Jessica in his arms and rubbing her back. She was still bleeding. Her eye was more swollen than before. Robert lifted her up, carrying her to the open door. “Katelyn, come with us.” I didn’t say or do anything. I just sat there until he said, “NOW.” Then I got up. “You’re coming with us to the ER and you can explain what happened to them there. I’m not doing it.” I started to speak but he stopped me. “No buts about it. You did this to her. You can explain to them why and how.” I dropped my head down, letting more tears fall. How could I be so mean? “Follow me,” he said, rushing down the stairs and into the kitchen to grab his keys, then out the door. We ran to the car and got in as he unlocked the doors. “In the back, Katelyn,” he told me as he gently placed Jessica in the front seat and buckled her seatbelt, and then raced over to his side, turning the keys in the ignition and pulling out of the driveway as quickly as he could legally. Once we were on the main road, he threw his phone back to me and ordered me to call Daniel.
I dialed the number quickly, punching with force, tears still rolling down my face. It took only three rings before Daniel picked up the phone, “Hey, honey, what’s up?” he answered.
“It’s Katelyn.” I replied, sobbing, barely getting the words up.
“Whoa, hon, calm down… what’s wrong?”
“I… I… Jessica…” I just broke down sobbing.
“Just breathe, Kate. Just breathe.”
“Can you please just come to the hospital?” I cried, managing to get at least that much out.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Jessica… I… I…” I broke down sobbing again.
“Oh for God sakes,” Robert yelled, “Just hand me the damn phone!” That got me crying even more. Robert NEVER spoke to me like that. But, I handed him the phone anyway, not wanting to make things worse than they already were.
“Daniel, you need to come to the hospital as soon as you can.” He paused. “Why? Because Katelyn literally beat up Jessica, that’s why. And she’s hurt really badly… yes, I know… well, it doesn’t matter. It’s over with, it’s done. Now we have to get Jess to the hospital as fast as we can. I think her arm might be broken and she might need stitches, hell, I don’t even know if she’s conscious or not… hon, I can’t talk anymore. Just meet us there as fast as you can. Okay, love you, bye.” He hung up the phone. “Katelyn, words cannot describe how disappointed I am in you right now.” Robert said.
“I’m sorry,” I cried out through my tears.
“Not as sorry as you’ll be after I’m through with you.” He stated as we pulled into the ER parking lot and into a space. The moment he said that, all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. I’d never seen him so angry before… ever. “Get out of the car, Katelyn.” Robert ordered, slamming his own door behind him and rushing to get my possibly unconscious sister out of her seat. She hadn’t said a word the entire ride and she hadn’t cried. There wasn’t a noise coming out of her other than heavy breathing. This was awful. What had I done? I did as my brother said, closing my own door behind me and rushing with him through the ER doors.
Everything that happened within the next hour was a complete and total blur. I remember Robert yelling for somebody to help us and I remember watching them rush Jessica into a room and hooking up IVs and stuff to her body as Robert followed. I remember sitting down and talking with one of the nurses and explaining to them what happened or trying to but crying hysterically instead. And I remember sitting in the waiting room afterwards, my sobs still not dying down. And then I remember Daniel coming and sitting there with me, trying to comfort me. But the details of that hour are completely lost in my mind.
It wasn’t until a few hours after we had first gotten there that Robert came out into the waiting room. By now, my sobs had died down and I had remembered to be hungry but I didn’t dare ask for food given the circumstances. Daniel was still sitting with me. We hadn’t spoken since those first few minutes he was here but now, Daniel was ready to ask a ton of questions and started in on Robert immediately.
“Is she alright?” he asked.
There was a pause in between Daniel’s question and Robert’s response. I expected to hear the worst but only heard him sigh and say, “She’ll be okay.”
Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he said, then paused and said “What’d they say?”
I’m going to put what Robert said next in layman’s terms because he decided to go all doctor on us and say a ton of stuff that didn’t make sense. Of course, Daniel understood ‘cause he took all the classes in high school he needed to in order to become a doctor but besides that, he’d been married to Robert for two years and been dating him for even longer so he was used to it by now. “Well, her arm wasn’t broken like I thought it might be but her wrist, you know, the fractured one, is broken now and a few blood vessels in her nose broke, so she had some severe bleeding there. She had to have stitches on her forehead and she had a concussion. She was knocked out for a little bit, but she’s awake now. And she remembers pretty much everything but the fight, so it’s ok.”
Daniel seemed flabbergasted at the news, despite the fact that I’m sure he expected way worse than what he had heard, “Well, at least she’s going to be okay.” He paused. “How long ‘til she can leave the hospital?”
Exasperated, Robert sighed, sitting down on the other side of Daniel, of course. “Who knows? A few hours, a day, maybe more; she just has to be stabilized and have everything taken care of. But it should be a quick fix from what I could tell. It’s just that concussion that we’ll really have to watch out for, along with her wrist.” He paused, eyeing Daniel. “No matter how much she begs don’t let her play softball or doing anything that requires use of her right wrist; well, anything extensive. Simple things are fine.”
“Sure thing, hon. I’ll be just as careful as you about it.”
He breathed in a sigh of relief, “Good.” Pausing, he spoke again, staring out into the distance blankly. “I’m really worried.”
I loved how he was completely ignoring me, but I guess I kinda deserved it, even if I hated it. Robert had never treated me like this in my life. I guess I’d really screwed up this time. I didn’t like it… at all.
Daniel reached over to his husband, grabbing a hand. “She’ll be alright.”
“I know but, I don’t like this.” I knew he wanted to elaborate on that. I knew he wanted to complete the sentence with something like: I would never expect something like this out of Katelyn; but I knew he wouldn’t, because I was sitting right there.
“I know.” Daniel sighed just like Robert had a million times already, rubbing Robert’s hand with his thumb.
We sat there in silence for a few moments before Robert finally decided to speak again, this time to me. “Are you hungry, Katelyn?” he asked. I was so shocked I didn’t say anything for a bit so he asked me again, “Katelyn? Are you hungry?”
This time I spoke, “Yeah,” I answered, “Kind of.”
He stood up then and reached out a hand towards me, “Come on then, let’s go to the cafeteria to get you something to eat.” I grabbed his hand and stood up. Clearly he hadn’t forgotten about my irregular, messed up eating habits. I guess that was comforting. At least I knew he still cared enough to make sure I didn’t starve myself again. “Daniel?” Robert said in a questioning tone.
“Yeah, hon?” Daniel replied.
“If you want to see Jess, she’s in room 316. It’s down the hall to the left. I’m sure she’d appreciate seeing you. She loves you a lot.”
He chuckled slightly at that. “I know she does. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to go see her. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Dan.” Then to me, “Come on, Kate, let’s go.” He grabbed my hand like I was a small child as if he were afraid of losing me or me running off. I didn’t dare let go of it for fear that he’d retaliate against the movement. As he led me to the cafeteria, I couldn’t help but think about Jessica and how she was and what I had done to her. I felt awful and I knew Robert wouldn’t let it slide. Dammit, how did I end up screwing up so often? Maybe Jessica was the better kid.
After about 5 minutes of walking through hallways and riding in elevators, we arrived in the cafeteria on the first floor. Robert finally let go of my hand and ushered me into the line. “What do you want, Kate?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter.” I answered, really not caring as long as I got something into my system.
“Just tell me what you want and I’ll get it,” he told me in an exasperated tone.
“I guess I’ll just have some chicken nuggets and fries then.” I replied.
“Okay, I think I’m going to have the same,” he said and then repeated the same thing to the cafeteria lady. She picked them up and put them in a couple of boxes for me and him. “What do you want to drink, Katelyn?”
“Mount—" I began to say.
He shook his head. “No, I already told you once today. No more caffeinated drinks. It’s not good for you. Besides, that’s probably what made you moody enough in the first place to do what you did.”
I pouted, “Okay.”
“What about green tea instead? You like that, don’t you?” I nodded. “Okay,” he said, grabbing two green teas. I think that was one of his favorite drinks.
We walked over to the check-out line and Robert gave the man standing there his money then grabbed our food and led me over to a table and sat me down, handing me my food. After a few minutes of eating, he stopped abruptly. “We need to talk, Katelyn.”
“I know,” I replied in a hushed voice.
“First of all, what in the world was going through your mind that made you get into a fight with your sister anyway?”
“I don’t know. I’ve just been really moody today and I guess you’re right. Drinking all that caffeine probably didn’t help. If anything it probably made it worse.”
“Yeah, Katelyn, you’re right. It did make it worse. It’s okay to drink a couple of caffeine drinks a day at most but after that, I don’t want you drinking anymore; especially after what happened today.”
“I’m sorry.” I said.
“I know you are.” He paused. “I’m really disappointed in you, Katelyn. I wouldn’t expect something like this out of you. Out of Jessica, yes. She’s gotten into fights before. I’ve been called to school before for stuff like this but not for you. This isn’t like you at all, Kate. It makes me wonder if anything’s going on that I should know about.”
Well, other than the fact that since the end of school I’d been way more moody and had constant mood swings every day, feeling several emotions in the span of just 24 hours and the fact that I hadn’t seen Melissa since school had gotten out and the fact that I was pretty depressed about not having anything to do anymore, despite my love of freedom; everything was fine. I thought it was anyway. “There’s nothing going on.” I said.
“I really don’t think that’s true, Katelyn Rose. And you know why I don’t think that’s true?” he asked then answered his own question, “Because you’ve been acting very differently since school’s been out and because you’ve been off almost the entire year anyway and because you’re more guarded than you’ve ever been. You don’t talk to me about stuff anymore. It’s like you keep everything to yourself. On top of it all, I’ve noticed you’ve been very emotional lately. There has to be something wrong.”
“There’s not.” I said. “Not that I know of.”
He completely ignored that statement. “Is it because school’s out now and you have no sort of structure? Is it because you haven’t seen Melissa in two weeks and you miss her? What is it?”
“For the last time, Robert: if anything’s wrong, I don’t know what it is.”
He shook his head at me, “There is something wrong. I believe that you may not be aware what it is but something is definitely not right.”
“No there’s not,” I muttered.
“Katelyn, I am not going to argue with you about it, ok?” He paused as though he expected some sort of response but I didn’t give him one so he continued on. “It’s already been a hard enough day without that added on.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmured.
“It’s fine,” he replied. Okay, so I wasn’t expecting so few words out of his mouth and I definitely wasn’t expecting them to be said so nonchalantly. Normally, he would have said something a little more comforting, something that made me feel less horrible inside. I guess he wasn’t up for the challenge. Truth be told, that kind of sucked.
There were a few moments of silence before he broke it, “Katelyn, honestly, I need to know what’s going on.”
“Robert, I told you, I don’t know what’s going on.”
He dropped the chicken he was holding and put his head in his hands, shaking his head back and forth and moving his legs up and down. He was shaking all over and I could tell he was about to cry. I was right because not a moment too soon, I could hear a tear slip off his cheek and drop down onto the table.
“Robert…” I began.
He held up a hand to stop me from speaking and began to speak in barely audible words. “Katelyn, don’t bother. Nothing you say is going to make it better.”
“You think this is easy for me, don’t you?”
“Let me tell you something, Katelyn,” he began, looking me in the eyes with tears in his own, “It isn’t easy.”
“But I…” But he cut me off again.
“You might think that it’s a walk in the park for me to raise you and Jessica but it’s not. It would be different if mom and dad hadn’t died so young and I was older or if they just weren’t good parents and I needed to take care of the two of you because of that. It would be different if the two of you didn’t have so many emotional issues yourself because of it. It would be different if I had already had a kid of my own and knew how to raise teenage girls. But none of that is true, is it?”
“Robert, I… I…”
“Katelyn, don’t interrupt me.” I was puzzled about that. How had I interrupted him?
“Instead I spend hours every day worrying about you guys. Instead I’m up at night worrying that you’ve done something to hurt yourself somehow again or that Jessica has beat some poor defenseless kid up or isn’t doing her homework and getting bad grades so that she’ll never get anywhere in life. Instead I’m spending more time thinking about the two of you and if you’ll be alright rather than worrying about my patients who are in critical need while I’m at work. Instead of spending some of my free time with Daniel or just having fun watching t.v. or playing board games with you and Jessica, I end up having to make sure neither of you does something stupid again by punishing you. You think all of this is easy for me, Katelyn, don’t you? Well, you’re wrong.”
Wow, way to make me feel guilty, Robert. Thanks for that.
“I’m not going to stand by and watch either of you get worse. And I’m not going to wait for some miracle to come that makes everything so much better.”
“So what do you propose then?” I asked.
“I don’t know, Katelyn, why don’t you tell me? Why don’t you start telling me what’s wrong and maybe helping me out a little bit? Maybe if you told me what was wrong every once in awhile instead of holding it all in, it would help things.”
“Robert, how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t know what’s wrong right now?”
“Katelyn, maybe you don’t know what exactly is wrong but you could try being a little more open about your life in general because I’m betting it’s a ton of stuff built up that’s making you act like this.”
“Don’t whatever me, young lady.”
“Okay, Robert, I’m sorry.”
He sighed heavily, “Let’s talk about this later when we get home, Katelyn. I don’t think we’ll get it resolved here and I don’t think we’re getting anywhere right now anyway.” He paused. “Are you finished with your food? At least for now? We can take it with us.”
“Yeah,” I whispered sadly, closing my food container, “I’m done.”
“Okay,” he said as he stood up. “Let’s go.”
“Okay,” I replied, sighing and following him silently out of the cafeteria and to my sister’s hospital room. Still, his words echoed in my head, stinging me over and over again: You think all of this is easy for me, Katelyn, don’t you? Well, you’re wrong.
I sat beside my twin sister in a chair next to her hospital bed. Robert and Daniel were standing on the other side, looking down at her with worried looks. They were making me feel more and more guilty with each second passing by. I felt like shooting myself. I swear, if I made one more giant mistake like this again, it was definitely going to put me over the edge and it probably wouldn’t be too good for the physical well-being of my backside either.
I was quickly brought out of my thoughts when Robert spoke.
“How are you feeling, Jess?” he asked my sister.
She looked up at him pathetically and half smiled. “I’m feeling a bit better,” she said.
I felt like Robert was speaking in a little too much of a blah tone of voice at the moment. It was beginning to get annoying. Although, I suppose he was drained from being here for so long and from everything that had happened. We’d been here since about 1:15 p.m. and it was now 11:01 p.m. I’m sure though, that nothing was going to take away from his anger at me and his disappointment with what I had done. Yeah, I’d hurt myself before. Sure, I’d done stupid stuff before but never had I gone this far and with my own sister! With every second passing by I felt worse and worse. I didn’t even need the looks Daniel and Robert were giving me. I felt bad enough on my own from my own conscience. That’s what I get for being so goddamn moral. Fuck my conscience. Fuck my life. Fuck me. I’m a horrible person.
“Did you get something to eat for dinner, Jessica?” Daniel asked.
“Yeah, they brought me dinner around 7 or 8ish.”
“Are you still hungry?”
“Nah, I’m fine.”
“Okay, well, if you get hungry, Jess, let us know. Okay?”
She slightly smiled up at him again and gave him a thumbs up sign with her left hand. “Sure thing,” she replied.
“Jessica, I…” I began but Robert shot me a glare as if to say ‘don’t talk to her’. It made my stomach churn.
Daniel touched his arm slightly. “Honey,” he began, “Maybe we should leave Jessica and Katelyn alone for now so they can have some time to talk, hmm?
“But Katelyn can’t…”
Daniel put a soothing hand on my brother’s back. “Hon, I think it would be best if we gave them this time to themselves. They need to sort things out.”
He sighed, “I suppose you’re right but Katelyn,”
“Don’t do anything stupid. And Jessica, the same goes for you. Play nice, girls.”
“Okay,” we replied simultaneously.
“Come on, Robert, let’s go.” Daniel gently pushed my brother out of the room with him. He was looking over his shoulder the entire way, as though he didn’t really want to leave, which was probably the truth.
There was silence for a few seconds before I said, “I’m sorry, Jessica. Really, you have no idea how sorry I am.”
“No, I think I do, Kate. And I’m sorry too, for everything that’s happened between us since mom and dad died. We used to be so close. I don’t get it. What happened?”
“I don’t know. It’s like after that happened we both responded in different ways. I lost myself in school and homework and you began to retaliate against everything and I guess we just grew apart. But still, it shouldn’t have happened.”
“No, we should still be close.” She laughed slightly, “We really aren’t the typical twins anymore, are we?”
I chuckled at that statement. “No,” I replied, “I guess not.”
There was another pause in the conversation before Jessica spoke. “Katelyn, I don’t want to fight like this anymore. I don’t want to grow apart anymore. I just want my sister back. I just want our relationship to be the way it used to be.”
“Me too,” I replied.
“Why did you hurt me today like you did anyway? Just out of curiosity. It’s so against your nature.”
“Honestly, Jessica, I don’t know. I’ve just been so moody lately. I guess it’s everything built up. I’ve been hiding pretty much everything from Robert and now that school’s out, I have nothing to escape to. And I haven’t talked to Melissa since school’s been out so I have even less of an escape. I’m just stuck in the house all day with nothing to do. There’s no homework to do, no tests to study for, no projects to complete and that’s hard for me. I know that’s weird to think. What kid loves school, right? But for me, it was the only way I could deal with mom and dad being gone. I guess the caffeine didn’t help though. I’d already had 3 caffeine drinks that day and one of them was coffee… so that didn’t help. “
She nodded, “I get it. We just deal with stuff in different ways, Katelyn. You’re passive aggressive. I’m just aggressive.” She laughed again.
“I know, right.”
“Look, I’m not letting this change how I think of you, Katelyn. I’m sure I’ll end up doing it to you at some point too anyway so I’ll get you back.” She winked at me. “But seriously, I’ve fought a million times so it’s not like you’ve done anything different than I would’ve done. Granted, I’ve never done it to you but whatever. I still love you, despite our differences.”
I blinked and paused before saying, “I totally wasn’t expecting that, you know.”
She smiled at me, “I know. That’s what’s so sad about it.”
It was at that moment that everything in my world came to a pause and I looked at my sister as though I had never even known her and this was my the first time I had ever laid eyes upon her. Suddenly, all these thoughts were spilling into my mind, swirling around like the last few cheerios in a cereal bowl of milk. And I started thinking, about mom and dad, about growing up and the way things used to be, about our relationship and how we weren’t just sisters but best friends. And I started wondering why things couldn’t still be that way. Why couldn’t she still be my best friend? Why couldn’t Robert be our brother again instead of our authority figure? Why couldn’t mom and dad still be alive? Why couldn’t we spend our summer hiking in the woods together or playing hopscotch on the sidewalk or shooting hoops? What had happened to my sister? What had happened to me? And it was in that moment that tears came to my eyes. It was in that moment that I began crying and held my head in my hands, trying to hide the tears from the only sister I’d ever have.
“I’m sorry, Jessica,” I whispered in sobs. “I’m so sorry.”
She seemed appalled by this reaction and it was clearly expressed through the words she said following my outburst of tears. “Katelyn, dude, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“It’s not you,” I told her. “It’s not you at all.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s me. It’s everything. It’s mom and dad being gone and it’s Robert being our guardian instead of our brother. It’s the fact that things changed when I didn’t want them to. It’s the fact that I have no control over anything in my life anymore. It’s us not being best friends anymore and being like arch enemies instead.” I paused and looked up at her, tears still in my eyes. “Jessica, everything’s changed and I don’t want it to be different. I want things to be the way they used to be. I don’t want to fight with you anymore. I want my sister and the old me back. I want Robert to be our older brother instead of our guardian. I want to taste mom’s food again and put my arms around dad’s neck and smell his old spice cologne.” At this I broke out into sobs. “I don’t think I can handle this anymore, Jessica. I just don’t think I can.”
“Come here, Kate.” I shook my head. “Yes,” she told me opening up her arms for me, “Come here. You need a hug.”
I went over to her and sat on the bed and laid on her chest, wrapping my arms around her while still being careful of her wrist and everything. She put her arms around me and rubbed my back with her perfectly fine left hand. “Look,” she began, “I know we fight a lot and I know things haven’t been at all the same since mom and dad died. And trust me, I want it to change too so I totally think we should work on it. But I really love you tons, Kate. You’re the only sister I have and the only sister I’ll ever have. I’m kind of obligated to care about you.” I laughed slightly at that statement. “Oh and the fighting thing, it’s built up anger from that 9 months of you kicking me constantly. I’m still pissed off about that.”
“Hey!” I half screamed at her in a sort of offended voice. Still, I laughed anyways.
“I’m just teasing.”
“I know.” I replied. There were a few minutes of silence next before I broke it. “So are we ok now?” I asked her.
“Yeah, we’re cool. I’ll just have to pay you back at some point.”
“You know that means you’ll probably just get from Robert or Daniel what I’m probably getting tonight or tomorrow, right?”
“Eh, whatevs. It’s all good.”
I laughed. “Okay then, Miss I want to get everyone back.”
She grinned widely. “That’s me!”
I stared at her and shook my head, smiling. There was a moment of silence as we looked at each other and then we both erupted in loud laughter. After a few moments, we heard a knock on the door. Jessica managed to shout out, “Come in,” as she drew in a deep breath and then broke out into insane laughter again.
I looked up and saw Daniel and Robert walk in, surprised looks on their faces, smiles slowly spreading from cheekbone to cheekbone. “I see that you guys made up,” Daniel spoke.
I laughed, “Yeah, we did. Right, Jess?”
“Yep!” She grinned like the Cheshire Cat.
“I’m glad to hear that,” Daniel replied, smiling pleasantly.
“Jessica, the doctor said you could go home tonight. In fact, you were actually just officially released. We just have to sign you out and get you off all these machines and we can go,” Robert told my sister, smiling a little more than I had expected him to.
“Really?” Jessica asked in an excited voice.
“Really,” Robert replied, enthused. At the moment he said that, the nurse and doctor came in, smiles on their faces.
“Well, Jessica, you don’t have anything too severe. Just a broken wrist and a concussion and obviously some bruises here and there. I already talked to your brother about it and he does know how to take care of things, as he is a doctor. Now you’re going to have to be very careful with your wrist, okay? You can’t do anything extensive at all and it would be best if you would just use your left hand for most things.”
“Yeah, I know, Robert told me everything,” Jessica told her.
“Okay, well, you’re free to go as soon as the nurse gets you unhooked and everything, okay?” the doctor said with a smile.
“Okay,” my sister said in response.
“And don’t get into any more fights you two.” She winked at us.
“Thank you, Dr. O’Brien,” our brother told her gratefully, calling after her.
“You’re welcome. Have a good night guys.”
We all said bye together and within seconds of the doctor leaving, we were heading out the door and on our way home. Well, Robert and I were on our way home. Daniel was taking Jessica somewhere else. I think it was to get something to eat. She apparently became suddenly ravenous after that conversation she and I had. Odd. I think it had more to do with the fact that Robert wanted to deal with me alone, without interference from anyone else.
We drove in silence for a few minutes before Robert said, “I don’t hate you, Katelyn. I’m just disappointed and surprised in your behavior.”
“Okay,” I replied, shocked at that statement he made.
“I just know that I haven’t been acting so kindly towards you these past few hours and I’m sorry. I wanted to make sure you know I don’t hate you.”
We remained silent for the rest of the ride until we pulled into the driveway.
Robert took in a deep breath then let it out and looked over at me. He reached out to me to grab my hand and squeezed it, probably trying to comfort me. “You know I have a soft spot for you, kiddo, but I can’t let this go unpunished.”
“I know,” I mumbled sadly.
“Come on, let’s get this over with.”
I sighed, succumbing to defeat. There’s no way I would get out of this after what I had done.
We walked up to the front door together, his hand behind my back, guiding me, as if he was afraid I would run off. I wondered in that moment how Robert had gotten to being so protective over me and my twin sister. I didn’t have long to wonder though, before we got to the front door and he was unlocking it. I hesitated for a moment before my brother spoke.
“We’re going to my room this time.” He grabbed my hand gently. “Come on,” he said.
I followed him up the stairs and through his bedroom door. He motioned for me to take a seat on his bed.
“I think you already understand the severity of your actions. Am I right?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
He took a seat beside me and took my hand in his. “Katelyn, I shouldn’t have to do this so often. You are a smart and good girl and you know what’s right and wrong. Why do we have to keep repeating this?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“I know things have been hard for you since mom and dad died and I know that being out of school has been hard for you because you lost your only escape but you can’t let your emotions get the best of you. Something worse could have happened to Jessica. You’re lucky she didn’t get hurt worse than she did.”
“I’m sorry.” I hung my head, almost ready to let the tears I’d been holding inside of myself for so long to fall, but they wouldn’t.
“I know you are.” He paused. “How can I help, Katelyn?”
I shook my head silently then choked out the words, “I don’t know.”
“I’m here for you… to talk to, to listen and to guide you, even just to help you forget about things or help you with schoolwork. You know that, don’t you?”
“Katelyn, I’m not going to give up on you but I don’t want to keep repeating this procedure in the future. This is a ridiculous amount of times in one year to get spanked.” I cringed at the word. “But I’m not going to just let things slide either. If you mess up and do things like you have before, I won’t hesitate to punish you. But I want to do that as little as possible. Do you understand me?” he looked me sternly in the eyes. “Katelyn, look at me.”
I looked up at him, “Yes, sir,” I said. It felt like it was the appropriate response.
“Good.” He paused before continuing. “I want you to know that I love you, Katelyn, and nothing could stop me from loving you. That’s why I’m about to do what I’m going to do, alright?”
He stood up and went to his closet, opened the doors and pulled out a box, the pulled some sort of wooden object out of it. My eyes grew wide with fear.
“Robert, what is that?” I recognized it. It looked like the old paddle my parents used to use on all three of us.
“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to use this any time soon, if ever, but I think it would be the most appropriate thing to use for this instance.”
“Robert, can’t you please just use your hand? Please?”
“After what you did? You’ve got to be kidding me. Katelyn, you’re lucky that this is all I’m using after that fiasco. If I didn’t feel that you had already partially learned your lesson then I’d be using the belt too.”
“But, but…” I couldn’t think of a good enough argument.
“No buts about it.” He sat down beside me. “Over my knee, young lady.”
“But Robert,” I whined.
“Katelyn, don’t make me tell you again or I WILL use the belt too.”
“Okay,” I replied, pouting, just grateful that he hadn’t pulled down my pants. That was before I realized I was wearing sweat pants, which were easy enough to pull down on their own. Soon enough Robert was pulling my pants down and resting his hand on my bottom. I wanted to fidget but didn’t. I knew it wouldn’t go over well with Robert and I didn’t want to fight anymore. I was too afraid he would use the belt if I made any wrong moves.
“Do you have anything else to say before we get started, Katelyn Rose?”
“I know,” he whispered sadly. “So am I.”
With that he lifted his hand and started smacking me mildly. It wasn’t so bad since I still had my panties on and they were only mild smacks, but it was enough to get me to yelp occasionally and whine a little bit. That is, until he started smacking harder and harder and harder still. Then I was screaming. He was smacking fast AND hard and I imagined that my bottom was at least a bright pink by this point.
“Robeeerrrtt!!! Please stop! I’ll be good! I promise!”
“I know you will be,” he said but he didn’t stop and the intensity of his smacks didn’t change in the slightest.
He kept spanking me like that for a minute or two longer before he pulled down my panties and started smacking me with his hand again. I protested, “Robert, anything but on the bare! PLEASE!!!”
“Katelyn Rose Parker, if you expected anything but on the bare then you are sadly mistaken.”
“Robert! Please put my panties back up!”
“Katelyn Rose Parker, you are being spanked on the bare and that is final.” He added with two hard smacks to each of my thighs.
“But…” I screamed only to be answered with another searing smack to my right thigh and then one more to my left thigh.
He ended with two more smacks to each of my sit spots then paused momentarily to pick up the paddle.
“I want you to think about what you did and how it was wrong and how you are never going to do it again while I am spanking you with this paddle, Katelyn Rose. Do you understand me?” he added with a smack of the paddle.
“Yes, sir!” I screamed.
With that he began spanking me very hard. First two smacks on my right thigh, then two smacks on my left. Then two smacks on my left sit spot and then two smacks on my right sit spot. Then he would lay down two more very hard smacks to each of my cheeks. Even though I’d been spanked with more than just one implement before, I swear to God this is the hardest spanking I had ever gotten up to that point. He kept hitting me and hitting me and before I knew it I was crying, sobbing in fact. I didn’t even realize he had finished when he did, I was crying so hard.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to do it. I didn’t mean to hurt her.” I curled my arms underneath me and shrank up, my body hesitating and trembling as he began to rub my back. “I’m sorry, Robert. I’m sorry.”
“Shh, it’s okay, honey. I’m done.”
“Don’t touch me, Robert,” I sobbed. “Stop touching me.” I didn’t even know where that came from. It just seemed to spill out of my mouth.
“What?” he sounded shocked.
“Let me go. Just let me go.” I didn’t even know what I was saying. I must have been overcome by grief at that point.
“Katelyn, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.” He pulled up my panties and lifted me up, trying to sit me on his lap but I wouldn’t comply.
I continued sobbing. “I’m a horrible person for doing this. Just let go of me. Just let go.” With that I ran out of his room and into the bathroom next to Jessica’s and my room and locked the door behind me. I felt overcome by a sudden physical weakness and a need to cut. I grabbed the razor as I heard Robert standing outside the door, knocking.
“Katelyn,” he began knocking. “Katelyn, open up this door.”
I didn’t answer him. I just grabbed the razor and started cutting anywhere I could, up and down my arms, on my legs, everywhere. It felt so good. The pain was overtaking me. Finally I was setting it all free: all these horrible emotions, my parents’ death, Jessica and my fight and our current horrible relationship. I was just letting it all go. Before I knew it I had started cutting my wrist.
The last thing I heard before everything went black was the door opening and Robert’s voice saying, “Oh my God. What have I done?”
End of Part I
To be continued…