Story: Jerry

Part of the Stabler Girls series.  Breanna meets Lenore's friend, Jerry, who ends up causing them more trouble than he's probably worth.  But Lenore loves him like crazy, and it's really all Great Aunt Mildred's fault!

Jerry

by Lenore and Breanna

It was spring break, and Lenore and Breanna's Great-Aunt Mildred (not to be confused with great Aunt Mildred, because this woman was definitely not great) was staying the night. Breanna was kind of peeved, because she had to give up her precious room for the old hag, but not before grabbing her playstation and guitars to rock out all night. She was setting it up when Lenore came in after her bath, dressed in her pjs.

"Everything ready?" Lenore asked her sister, unable to constain her excitement. "I can't believe Daddy said we can stay up all night!"

"Yep, just got it set up." Bre handed her sister a guitar and put in her favorite Guitar Hero game. "This isn't the one that Dad got for you to play, but I'm tired of that one. So just don't repeat any of the lyrics from these songs. They might have bad words, k?"

"Okay!" Lenore replied eagerly. "I won't. I promise!"

Bre turned off the light and piled on the bed with her little sister, adjusting the volume and putting it on her favorite song.

Lenore grabbed up a guitar and prepared to play. She loved this game!

And they played for hours. It was wee into the early hours of the morning when Bre, noticing her sister's 50th yawn, decided that it was time to go to bed. "Come on, sis, we'll play more tomorrow," she said, turning the tv off.

"Aww," Lenore whined, then yawned. "I'm not the least bit sleepy."

It didn't take much for Bre to pry the guitar from her sister's sleepy arms, and she set them both on Lenore's desk. Then she lay back down, hearing something. From all the guitar hero, they hadn't noticed it before, but now it was loud and clear. Great Aunt Mildred was snoring... and loudly!

Lenore made a face. "Who can sleep through that?"

Breanna giggled. "I think she could wake the dead!"

Lenore giggled too, as she flopped onto her bed

"Ughhhhh... do you think all old people snore that loud?" Breanna asked.

"I hope not," Lenore said, making a face.

"Me too." They were silent again, listening to the old hag for about two minutes before Bre spoke again. "So. I was sleepy, and now I feel wide awake. How 'bout you?"

"Wiiiiide awake!" Lenore giggled. "I said I wasn't sleepy."

"You've been yawnin' for like 3 hours!"

Lenore shrugged. "I yawn at school too."

"That's because school is boring. You don't yawn during fun things like Guitar Hero unless you're sleepy, duh," Breanna replied, rolling her eyes.

Lenore shrugged. "I'm just weird like that."

"Hmmm. Okay." Bre lay there another minute, staring at the shadow of the trees on the hardwood floor. It didn't look like it was very windy outside, she noted, as she stared, trying to think of something interesting to say.

That's when she saw it. The shadow moved. And then moved again. And then she realized that it wasn't a shadow... but a mouse! "Ohmygod!" she whispered loudly. "There's a... there's... a.... m-mouse!" Bre stood on the bed, trying not to shriek.

Lenore sat up, sliding off her bed. "It's just Jerry, Bre. He's my friend." She dug some food out of its hiding spot and crouched down, letting the mouse climb into her hand to eat.

"J-Jerry?" she stammered, then stooped down and giggled a little. It was a cute little creature. "You've been hiding a mouse?"

"Uh-huh," Lenore nodded. "I didn't think Daddy would let me keep him, if he knew. So I never said anything."

Bre was about to say something, but a loud snore cut her off. She glared in the direction of her room at her Great Aunt Mildred and then had this brilliant idea. "I wonder if Jerry could shut the old hag up for a little while."

"What do you mean?" Lenore asked cautiously.

Bre stepped down from the bed and peered down at Jerry. "I bet it would be funny to send him in there with Great Aunt Mildred. She'd flip out and be freaked out and not be able to go back to sleep in fear of the mouse." She giggled evilly. "And then we could get some peace and quiet around here and be able to sleep."

"Jerry won't get hurt, will he?" Lenore asked worriedly. "I don't want anybody to kill him."

"He's smart enough to have trained you to feed him every night without getting killed, right? He'll know to run back to his hole in the wall, don't worry, sis," Bre promised.

"Daddy won't know it was us?" Lenore fretted.

"Daddy's slee..." Bre began but upon hearing the loud snore, she decided to bite her tongue. How her father could be asleep through all that racket was beyond her, but sure enough she heard his soft (in comparison) snore echoing that of her Great Aunt's. "Sleeping," she continued. "Did you hear? Besides, you know it would be so funny."

"Well....I guess it'd be okay...." Lenore trailed off, still a little worried about this.

"If you don't want to do it, it's fine," Bre said. She heard another loud snore and crawled back into bed. "Doesn't matter to me."

"I think Jerry needs an adventure," Lenore said after a long moment. "Let's do it! She's a mean old hag anyway."

Bre perked up. "Really? Okay let's do it!!" She tiptoed to the door, opening it up and peeking her head out. She heard a loud snore from both sides and motioned for Lenore to follow her.

Lenore foowed her, holding Jerry.

Breanna made her way to the door to her own room. It was cracked open, which made this so much easier to do. She pushed it in farther, looking around to make sure no one was watching, and then motioned for Lenore to go inside. "Put it on the bed with her," she whispered.

Lenore silently did as told, praying for Jerry's safety. Soon as she'd set him down, she scurried on out of the room.

The loud snore made Bre jump a little, and she had kind of been expecting that to happen. She was about to ask Lenore a question on the way back to their bed when something she didn't expect happened -- a howl erupted from her room, even louder than the snores. She realized that Great Aunt Mildred had found Jerry, all right. And she was not happy about it.

Now, Bre should've been expecting this, but she hadn't thought Jerry would get the job done so quickly, nor that the old hag would really legit scream. So it made her heart stop a little and she couldn't really figure out what to do. When she came to her senses to run to Lenore's room, she heard the doorknob of her dad's room turn, and grabbed her sister to hide on the stairs, ducking in the shadows.

Lenore watched siently, fearing for her little mouse friend. Especially after hearing their Aunt scream for someone to kill it.

Elliot heard the screams and his first thought was that someone was after the girls... so he jumped out of bed, grabbed a baseball bat, and ran out in a rush without putting his robe on or anything. He finally realized that the shouts were that of no other than his aunt, who seemed to be having some sort of issue involving a rodent. He turned on the hall light, exposing the two culprits, Breanna and Lenore, both of which looked up at him with worried eyes. He gave then a stern look, returned the bat to his room, then jogged to Great Aunt Mildred to find out if she was okay.

Lenore bit her lip. "Bre? Do you think Daddy's really mad?" She whispered, as their Aunt kept screaming.

"Uhm, I think so," Bre said, feeling this really uneasy knot in her stomach. Meanwhile, Elliot managed to calm Great Aunt Mildred enough to get her to stop screaming. "There was a rodent in my bed!" she claimed. Elliot turned on the light and Bre saw that the old woman was standing fiercely, tennis shoe in hand, searching for Jerry. "Are you sure, Aunt Mildred?" Elliot asked. Bre was glad that for now he seemed to not think that they had put it in her room. "Yes! A big black rat!" Aunt Mildred shouted.

Bre nudged her little sister. "Hey, we'll just say that we followed Jerry out here... that he ran out of your room, and that we were going to try to stop him from going in there...!"

"Kay," Lenore nodded eagerly, as she heard Aunt Mildred scream and suddenly Jerry came scurrying out of the room and straight for his human friend. She quickly scooped the little mouse up just as their father and Aunt came into the hallway.

"Kill it!!!!!!!!!" Aunt Mildred yelled. "Don't you touch that filth, child!"

 Elliot, in a much calmer tone, said, "You two have some explaining to do."

"NO!" Lenore exclaimed, hugging Jerry to her chest. "YOU'RE NOT KILLING HIM!"

It was quiet for a moment as Elliot debated what to do with this situation. Aunt Mildred seemed to have calmed down enough now that the mouse had been caught, so that was a good sign. "Aunt Mildred, I'll get rid of the mouse. Why don't you go back to bed and let me have a word with the girls."

"I'd say more than a word is needed," Aunt Mildred muttered, turning and going back into her room.

Lenore quietly turned to disappear as well, Jerry still clutched tightly to her.

Elliot ushered his daughters to Lenore's room. He turned on her light and asked them both to sit on the bed. "What's going on?" he wanted to know.

 "Well," Bre began, "we saw the mouse, and followed it out of the room, and it went in there with Aunt Mildred and we were going to try and get him out but we couldn't find him and were leaving and that's when she started screaming."

Lenore nooded quietly, patting the mouse's head.

Elliot didn't believe it. He could always tell when they were lying. "First time you ever seen this mouse?" he asked Lenore, staring down at her.

Lenore shrunk under his gaze. "No, Sir.....he's my friend," she admitted. "We saw him run out and went to try and stop him."

Elliot nodded, looking back at Bre. "First time you ever saw him?"

Breanna felt like she was being interrogated by the police... well, in theory she was, but anyway... it made her feel super uncomfortable. "Yes, sir," she said.

He nodded again, inching closer to the girls, towering over them. "Lenore, are you *sure* that he ran out and you went to try to stop him?"

Lenore squirmed slightly, as she remembered all those awful spankings she'd gotten for lying to him. What if this one was going to be worse, because they had discussed it so many times? She kept her head down, staring at the mouse in her hands. "You can't prove otherwise, Daddy," she replied softly.

Elliot folded his arms. He looked down at Breanna now, posing the same question, wearing the same stern look.

"Yes, sir. That's the truth, it's really what happened," Breanna said.

Elliot backed up, pacing now a little. "You know, you two have gotten in trouble plenty of times before for lying, and if I find out that you're being untruthful, it's going to be much, much worse." He stood in front of them once again. "Final chance. I want to know the truth. What is it that you two are hiding?" He folded his arms, waiting.

Lenore felt her eyes tear up. She really didn't know how he could solve the mystery, but she really didn't want a worse spanking for lying. And she was tired, and when tired, highly over-emotional. She chewed her lower lip nervously. "It was just a prank, Daddy. Jerry didn't mean any harm. He likes people."

Bre tensed up. She knew that Lenore was going to (no pun intended) rat them out! "Elaborate, Young Lady," Elliot said firmly.

Lenore kept her head down, as she kept playing with Jerry. "Bre said it would be funny. That nobody would know it was us, and Aunt Mildred would stop snoring so loud, so we could get some sleep."

Elliot turned his gaze to his oldest daughter, who was now chewing on her thumbnail, squirming with nervousness. "Did you influence your sister to put the mouse in there with your aunt?" he asked.

Bre found it hard to look him in the eyes and stared down at the floor, heart racing. "I'm sorry, Daddy," she said weakly.

Elliot loosened up. He looked around the room and saw an empty shoebox. He grabbed it and opened it up. "Put him in here," he said to Lenore.

"What're you going to do with him?" Lenore whimpered. "He's my friend, Daddy. I even taught him to do tricks. He's special."

"I'm going to make sure he doesn't get in bed with Aunt Mildred tonight, and tomorrow we will set him free."

"But Daddy, I wanna keep him!" Lenore protested, as she started to cry. "He trusts me."

"Tonight we're all going to sleep, and we'll talk more about it tomorrow." He paused. "And you are both already getting a spanking, don't make it worse, Lenore."

Lenore gently placed Jerry into the box, as she started to sob. Why couldn't her father understand just how much Jerry meant to her?

A few tears slipped down Bre's cheeks and she hurriedly brushed them away. "Dad... please..." she said softly. "Don't be mad at Lenore."

"Oh, don't worry, she's not the one that should be worried," Elliot answered, closing the box. "You, little miss, are the one I'm upset with. Convincing your little sister to do something that she knew was wrong... you should be ashamed of yourself." Bre looked down at the floor. "Both of you, to bed, right now. We will have a talk tomorrow morning after Aunt Mildred leaves."

Lenore flopped down onto the bed still sobbing. She should've never done the prank - now she was never going to see Jerry again.

And Breanna felt like the worst sister ever. Why hadn't that stupid mouse run away instead of into Lenore's hands? What kind of weirdo mouse was he? She climbed over her sister and lay down, too, then Elliot turned off the light and left.

Lenore cried herself to sleep, hoping her sister wasn't angry with her for ratting them out.

The next morning, Elliot woke the girls bright and early. Aunt Mildred had gone to her doctor's appointment in the city and now it was time to take care of the girl's mischief before he had to work. "Get up," he told them. "It's time to discuss last night's events."

Lenore sat up, not in a good mood from lack of sleep. She hoped they'd be allowed to go back to bed after this. She stifled a yawn.

Bre sat up, too, grumpier than ever, but then remembering the amount of trouble they were in and deciding to obey rather than try to fight. "Do you two have anything to say for yourselves?" Elliot asked.

Lenore rubbed her eyes tiredly. "It was just a mouse, Daddy. He wasn't gonna hurt her. 'Sides, she was snoring much too loud."

He looked from his youngest to his oldest, who stared at the floor as she said, "it was just an innocent prank, Daddy."

"If she wasn't such an old fuddy duddy, she woulda laughed," Lenore grouched. "You woulda laughed too, if she hadn't screamed over a little mouse."

"Enough," Elliot said, folding his arms. "Do either of you girls want someone putting animals in your bed at night? Moreover, Aunt Mildred is elderly and has a lot of heart problems. What if she'd had a heart attack last night? How would you feel then?"

"It woulda been her fault, for being dumb enough to be scared of a mouse," Lenore muttered, not wanting to admit she would've felt horrible.

Elliot took his little girl's chin in his hand, forcing her to look into his angry eyes. "Excuse me, Young Lady?"

Lenore shrunk a little, averting her gaze away from his.

He didn't worry with Breanna for the moment, instead took Lenore's wrist and pulled her toward him. "I am very disappointed that the two of you would act so irresponsibly and childish and then pretend like you've done nothing wrong. It might have seemed like a harmless prank at the time, but anything could have happened -- rodents spread diseases and one of you could've gotten bitten and ended up really sick, or you could've caused Aunt Mildred to hurt herself. And you both know better than to pull these kinds of stunts." He sat down on the chair to Lenore's desk and pulled her closer, looking her in the eyes. "You did something wrong, and now you need to act like a big girl and admit it, then accept the consequences."

"What if I don't wanna be a big girl?" Lenore challenged softly, gazing up at him momentarily.

"Then you won't be treated like a big girl," Elliot answered, pulling her over his lap.

He then tugged down her pajama pants and panties, beginning the spanking without another word. Bre tried to hide her gaze from the punishment that was happening in front of her very eyes. She felt awful for having pushed her sister into putting Jerry in bed with their Aunt Mildred.

Lenore yelped with each swat to her behind, as she squirmed over her father's lap, trying to get away.

Elliot tightened his grip and increased the intensity of the spanks. "I cannot believe that you two would act like this," he scolded, glancing up at Breanna. "And you, Young Lady, should be watching your sister's punishment because it's mostly you're fault that she's getting this," he scolded. Bre lifted her head a little to see her sister's pink bottom feeling the wrath of her father's strong hands, then looked away again. "It wasn't a request, it was an order," he told her. "And think about how you're next."  He concentrated once more on spanking Lenore, delivering a few swats to her sit spots. "Lenore Edna, are you starting to learn your lesson?"

"Yesss!" Lenore wailed. "Oww! Dad-dyyy!"

He continued coloring her bottom until it was sufficiently reddened. Then he looked at Breanna. "Go get the wooden hairbrush."

"But..." Bre began, only to be cut off.

"Now, Young Lady!" The teenager slid off of her little sister's bed, scampering to the bathroom and opening the drawer that contained the big heavy hairbrush. She shivered upon seeing it, knowing that the small object would inevitably cause both she and her sister to sob uncontrollably. Her heart began racing and a tear slipped down her cheek at the thought.

Meanwhile, Elliot had stopped spanking Lenore for a moment and continued the lecture.  "I know that you look up to your sister, Lenore," he said gently, "but whenever she pressures you to do something that you know is wrong, you have to stand up to her. If she wanted to put the mouse in Aunt Mildred's bed, you should've let her do it on her own, and then you wouldn't be in trouble right now."

"But then she won't wanna hang out with me," Lenore whimpered, tears streaming down her face. "I want her to still hang out with me...."

"She's your sister, she doesn't have a choice of whether or not to hang out with you, and even if she's mad, she'll get over it." Breanna came back in the room now, hairbrush in hand. "But it's up to you, Lenore. You know what will happen when you do something wrong," Elliot said, taking the brush. "And you know how disappointed I am in you when you misbehave."

"I don't mean to be naughty so much," Lenore whimpered. "It just happens."

"I know, sweetie," Elliot said. "But you're going to have to start thinking about it more and making better decisions, or you'll be making this trip over my knee more often than you'd like." He then pointed to Breanna, "you, hold Lenore's hands while I finish the spanking."

"No! No! No!" Lenore protested, throwing her hands back to cover her behind automatically.

Elliot popped Lenore's thigh with the hairbrush. "You will let your sister hold your hands until the spanking is finished," he said firmly, giving Bre another look so that she did as she was told. Bre moved in front of her sister, squatting down to where they were almost looking each other in the eyes. Seeing the tears made her feel even worse, and she was sure this was part of her father's punishment.

Lenore howled, her one hand flying to the thigh that'd been smacked. "Dad-dyyy! Nooo! Pleeeeeease!"

"Where are your hands supposed to be?" he asked.

"But it hurts!" Lenore sobbed.

He gave her other thigh a pop with the hairbrush and asked again, "where are your hands supposed to be?"

Lenore shrieked loudly, her one hand grabbing for her sister, though the other went to her other thigh.

Elliot gave her a moment before pushing her hand away. Breanna, now taking both hands in hers, tried to help her little sister out. "It's almost over, sis. Just hold on tight. I'm here with you," she whispered.

"It huuuurts!" Lenore sobbed, clinging to her sister's hands desperately.

Bre felt heartbroken that she'd gotten her sister into so much trouble, and she wanted to demand that her father stop spanking her. But she knew it wouldn't work, and it's not like he gave her time to, anyway. Within seconds, he had lifted the hairbrush and gave her a loud swat, not too hard, but hard enough to make an impression. He then continued with a flurry of swats, covering all of her tiny little bottom.

Lenore screamed at first, then just began to sob heart-brokenly. If he was going to treat her like a little girl, didn't he remember that little girls didn't get spanked so hard? "I'm sorreeeeeee!"

"I'd hope so, Young Lady. And I also hope that you're learning to think before doing something that you know is wrong." He gave her a few final swats, then set down the hairbrush.

Lenore lie there sobbing, unable to say anything at the moment. Once she felt slightly calmer, she slowly eased herself up and buried her face into her father's chest, her arms wrapped tightly about his neck.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lenore repeated over and over.

Elliot held her tightly. "I know, baby," he said gently. "I hope you don't ever do something like this ever again." He kissed her forehead, holding her a little longer so that her cries subsided. He then pulled her away and pushed her hair away from her tear-stained cheeks.

Lenore looked at him curiously, as she rubbed her eyes.

"You may pull your pajamas back up and have a seat on the bed." He turned to Breanna. "Your turn," he said firmly.

Bre's stomach dropped and she almost instantly began crying. It'd been torture watching her sister get punished, but now it was time for her own punishment, and she wasn't ready for it at all. "B-but Daddyyyyy... I'm s-sorry," she stammered through tears.

Lenore whimpered as she gingerly just barely sat on her bed, her gaze upon the floor.

Bre tried to wipe the tears away, but they kept falling. She was so scared -- as bad as her little sister had gotten spanked, she knew that her father was serious, and she would probably get double the amount that Lenore had. And even though she knew she deserved it, it was just so hard to get over his lap.

Elliot took hold of her wrist, and guided her over his lap, after seeing she wasn't going to be moving on her own. "you're sixteen-years-old Breanna. You ought to know better than to pull stunts like this. I'm disappointed in you. And what's worse, you convinced your sister it was all right!"

"I know, Daddy, I'm sorry," she cried, hanging onto the legs of the chair for dear life. She knew once this spanking started, it would be difficult to keep from reaching back.

He pulled her pajama bottoms and panties down, and immediately went to town on her behind with his bare hand.

Bre tried not to squirm or kick too much even though the spanking hurt like crazy. He definitely meant business this time... it was probably one of the hardest hand spankings she'd ever gotten! "Oooowwwwww!" she yelped, still crying. "Owww Daddyyyyy, I'm sorry!"

"You had better be, Young Lady," he stated firmly, as he began smacking her thighs much harder than normal. "You deserve every bit of what you're getting."

Lenore looked down, shielding her eyes from the scene before her.

"I know, Daddy," Bre said, kicking a little now and yelping each time her thighs were swatted. She began crying harder, wishing that this were over.

Soon as her bottom was a nice shade of red, Elliot picked up the hairbrush and started in on her with that. He made sure to pay extra attention to her upper thighs and sit spots.

Bre began squirming so much that she thought she would fall off of his lap. "Ow, ow, ow!! Daddyyyyy... Oooowwwwww, I'm sorryyyy," she howled, her hands threatening to reach back to protect her poor aching bottom.

Elliot paused long enough to lock her legs between his and picked back up with gusto. "I know you are, Breanna."

"I... won't... Owwww do it again!" she promised, now sobbing hysterically.

Elliot finished up and rubbed her back gently as she lie there.

Bre tried to compose herself, but she felt awful. Not only did she feel horrible for what she'd done, but now her bum was sore and her head throbbing from crying so much. And she had this aching feeling that the spanking wasn't even over yet.

Lenore squirmed on the edge of the bed, her panties and pajama bottoms not helping her any.

Elliot finally lifted his oldest daughter up and looked her in the eyes. "I don't want to ever hear of you convincing your little sister to do something she's not supposed to." Breanna nodded, rubbing her bottom. Elliot then stood up and began to unbuckle his belt.

Lenore's head shot up, her eyes wide and scared, as she quickly scrambled over to the other side of her bed.

"I want to be sure you both understand the seriousness in what you did. You could've killed someone," he scolded, glancing at both of his daughters. "You're both getting a final spanking with the belt, and," he continued, knowing Lenore's history of running away, "the sooner we get this finished, the easier it'll be on you both."

Lenore was standing there, hugging herself, as she began to shake. She was subconsciously shaking her head no, as tears filled her eyes. Nothing scared her more than that belt, when it came to spankings.

Bre wiped her eyes, desperately wishing that this wasn't happening, but she had to be strong for her sister. After all, it was her fault they were in this predicament. "Come on, sis, I'll hold your hand," she promised in a whisper, reaching out to her.

Lenore kept moving back until she walked into the wall, her eyes glued to the belt in their father's hands. He was never cruel about spankings, but she still felt scared. She could feel herself slowly starting to panic, and didn't know what to do.

"Does Lenore have to have it bare?" Bre asked her dad through tears as he pulled off his belt and folded it over.

"No," he replied. "Lenore's can be over her pjs." He felt a soft spot for his youngest daughter who looked at him fearfully, and really didn't want to spank her more, but knew that the belt would be a good deterrent from being swayed by her sister in the future.

"D-D-D-Daddy...." Lenore managed to squeak out, as she tried to calm down and breathe normally. "I-I-I..." Her eyes filled with frustrated tears, when she realized she couldn't get her words out. She needed a moment - a little reassurance even - before any of this could happen. She needed to be able to breathe normally again. She was grateful it wouldn't be bare like last time, but she’d gotten herself so worked up, she didn't know how to calm down again.

Elliot could see the anxiety, and walked towards her, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. "I love you, baby girl, and I don't want you to ever do something like this ever again. This is just a small reminder so you'll have something to think about next time your sister tries to convince you to do something you know you're not supposed to do." He gave her a gentle hug. "Now, I want you both to bend over, elbows on the bed... and you can hold hands if it helps."

Lenore buried her face into him, hugging him tightly, calmly some as she took in his scent and felt his hand on her back. He could scare her a little sometimes, but he still made her feel safe, no matter what. She gulped a little, peeking a nervous glance over at her sister.

Tears were still slipping down Bre's face, but she held out her hands as if offering to help Lenore make it through this, but also asking Lenore to help her make it through this.

Lenore managed to let go of her father, and slowly inched over to her sister, taking her hands tightly in her own. Her lower lip trembled dangerously, but she didn't say a word.

Together, they bent over, elbows on the bed, as their father had ordered. Bre latched on tightly to her sister's hands. "I'm sorry for getting you in so much trouble," she said in a shaky voice, beginning to cry again.

Lenore leaned a little closer to her sister. "I love you anyway," she whispered softly.

"Love you too," Bre said. Elliot then lifted up the belt and gave them each a swat, Breanna's significantly harder than Lenore's. "I hope that you will both remember this belting the next time you want to do something so irresponsible," he said, then gave Breanna three swats, and Lenore one. He continued this rhythm until his eldest daughter had received 15, and his youngest 5.

When it was all over, both girls were once again a sobbing mess. "I'm sorry Daddy," Bre wailed.

"I'm sorreeeeeee!" Lenore sobbed, her bottom throbbing.

"It's all over now," Elliot said, gathering the two girls in his arms. He sat on the bed and sat Lenore on his lap, holding her tightly with one arm while throwing the other around Bre, who was now sitting beside him.

Lenore buried her face into him, clinging to him tightly. She definitely wasn't going to be letting her sister talk her into things anytime soon.

When they had settled down and Bre was redressed, Elliot said in a gentle voice, "now, about Jerry..." he began, smiling slightly at the name that his youngest had given that dreadful mouse.

Lenore looked up at him, a hopeful look on her tear-strained face. She really did love that little mouse.

Elliot couldn't finish his statement; instead he stood Lenore up. "Come here for a sec," he said, taking her hand to lead her to his room.

Lenore went with him quietly, hoping beyond all hope he'd taken good care of her little friend.

When Elliot opened his bedroom door, there sat Jerry in a hamster cage, staring up at Lenore with his big beady eyes. "I decided that you could keep him... found this old thing in the basement from the hamster you girls had before your mom died."

Lenore hugged him tightly in her excitement. "Thank-you! Thank-you! Thank-you, Daddy!"

Bre walked in behind them, a wide smile on her face. She was happy that Lenore could keep her mouse... after all, it wasn't his fault that the old hag was scared of him.

"But you know you have to take care of him and feed him every day, okay kiddo?" Elliot said, ruffling her hair. He looked up at Breanna and smiled at her, too, then embraced them both in a hug.

"I will, Daddy, I promise!" Lenore enthused, smiling up at him. She moved over to the cage, and watched as Jerry stood on his hind legs sniffing the air, and then moving his paws to wave at her.

Story: Garage Mishaps

Part of the Stabler Girls series.  Lenore's boredom is driving her crazy... and right through the garage... literally!  

Garage Mishaps

by Breanna and Lenore

Lenore was in the living room watching cartoons one Saturday afternoon. She'd been outside for a while, and had come in for lunch and a cartoon break.

Bre was at the kitchen table working on homework, as she'd been put on restriction until her grades got better. She was happy that her sister had come in for a bit, and took this time to strike up a conversation... going the whole day without texting or chatting with her friends was making her really desperate for conversation. "Hey kid sis. What are you up to today?"

"Nothin' really," Lenore sighed softly. "Jenny's grounded, and nobody else wanted to come play with me... So I'm just watchin' cartoons an' stuff."

"Sounds like fun," Breanna said. "I'm bored too... this math homework sucks."

"I wish Daddy wasn't making you do schoolwork all day," Lenore sighed. "We could've played Guitar Hero or somethin'...."

"Maybe we can play a game or two...?" Bre suggested, knowing that she shouldn't break her restriction, but she'd been working so hard all day, and it was only one game...

"I want too...but Daddy told me not to distract you...." Lenore sighed once more. "I don't wanna get you in trouble."

Breanna made a face and looked at her homework. She knew she shouldn't get her little sister in trouble, so she decided to plow through her work. "Maybe when he gets back home he'll let me play if I have my work done."

"Maybe," Lenore perked up some. "I'd like that!"

Bre smiled and went back to the equations, grumbling under her breath about how much she'd wish the equations would do themselves.

Lenore giggled a little, and once her show was over, she headed on upstairs, wanting to listen to some music. She reached her room and began searching for the one CD she wanted, while currently playing another.

After searching everywhere she could think of, she suddenly remembered she'd last had her CD out in the car. Her father had permitted her to play it, when they went shopping the night before. She headed on back downstairs, and deciding she didn't want to pester her sister, so she could get her work done faster, she grabbed the car keys and went on out into the garage.

She unlocked the car and climbed on in, leaving the car door open. She was only going to be a moment anyway.

She managed to get the keys into the ignition and fiddled with it, until she finally heard the car turn on and her CD start playing. She giggled, as for a moment it felt as though she were really driving the car.

She leaned over the gearshift, in order to hit the eject button on the CD player. When doing so though, she accidentally hit the gearshift and knocked it into reverse.

Her eyes went wide as saucers as she quickly maneuvered to try and hit the brake, only in her panic she mixed the pedals up and hit the gas instead. She gave a startled shriek as the car sped backwards and crashed through the closed garage door. She clung to the steering wheel desperately, as she moved her feet quickly, hitting any pedal she could reach. When she finally found the brake, the car was halfway through the garage door, and the driver’s door on the car was bent oddly.

She sat there shaking like a leaf, as she stared in disbelief. She'd gone and killed not only the car, but the garage too. "Daddy's going to kill me..." She whimpered softly. She knew not to turn the car on, but she'd only wanted to get her CD. She sat there, her feet firmly pressed down on the brake, unsure of what to do next.

Breanna heard the noise and jumped nearly three feet high in the air. "Lenore?" she shouted, wondering what her sister was into that would make so much noise. She put her pencil down and climbed the stairs, pushing her sister's door open, but she wasn't there. "Lenore!" she repeated, louder. She went back downstairs and noticed that the door to the garage was open. When she peeked her head out the door, she was totally not expecting what she saw.

Lenore's hands had a death grip upon the steering wheel so tight her knuckles were turning white. She let her foot off the brake for a second, and gave another startled shriek when the car rolled back again. She slammed her foot back onto the brake, starting to cry, as she'd no idea how to get the car to stop moving.

Bre ran to the driver's side where her little sister was in tears. Without a word, she reached over the 10 year old to put the car into park, and then gathered her into her arms. "What happened, Lenore?" she asked holding her tightly.

Lenore clung tightly to her sister, starting to sob. She didn't know how to explain it, as she wasn't entirely sure all of what had happened herself.

"Shh, it's okay Lenore. Calm down," Bre said gently. She turned the keys off to the car and lifted her sister out. "Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?"

Lenore shook her head. She wasn't hurt.... though her bottom was going to be once her father got home.

Which just happened to be right then. Elliot nearly had a heart attack when he came back from his afternoon jog to find his car halfway through the garage door. His first thought was that someone had been trying to steal it, so he ran inside the house, on guard, hoping that his little girls were okay. When he didn't find them, he began to get worried... then he heard Lenore crying and Bre trying to calm her down and went into the garage to see that it was actually his daughters who were responsible for the accident. "What's happened?" he asked, walking toward them.

Lenore began to sob even more at hearing her father's voice. He was going to be sooo mad at her!

Bre put her sister on the ground, still holding her to her chest. "Um, I think that maybe perhaps Lenore got into a slight accident," she said softly. "But she says she's not hurt." Elliot's eyes widened and he stooped down to his littlest’s level. "Lenore," he said softly, pulling her away from her sister. "What happened?"

"I'm sorreeeeeee..........." Lenore sobbed. "I-I just wanted my-my CD........."

Elliot pushed her hair out of her face, giving her a soft but stern look. "Are you hurt?" he wanted to know. Breanna interrupted, "she's not hurt, she's just scared." Elliot glared back and said, "don't you have homework to do?" Taking the hint, Bre scurried away, patting Lenore on the head as she left. Elliot looked back at Lenore. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I-I think so...." Lenore managed to choke out. She was still crying and shaking a little bit.

Elliot hugged her tightly. "You know you're not supposed to be out here with the car, baby," he said. He released her from the hug. "Go to your room while I get this mess situated. I'll be up in a few minutes to discuss this with you."

"I'm sorry...." Lenore whimpered, her lower lip trembling.

"I know you are," he said simply, giving her a pat to the bottom to send her off.

Lenore stifled a sob, and hurried on back into the house and up to her room. She grabbed Mr. Stuffles up and clung to him tightly, as she curled up on her bed in a ball.

Elliot worked on cleaning up the mess outside and replaced the car to its original location. Then he showered and rested for a moment, pondering the situation and how he was going to deal with Lenore.

Lenore's sobbing had turned into soft whimpers and hiccups. She still lie on her bed curled up tight, clutching her Teddy Bear.

Finally, Elliot trudged up the stairs and gave a slight knock on his littlest's door, then pushed it open. "We need to talk," he said gently.

Lenore choked back a sob, as she glanced up at him from where she lie. She really didn't want to talk; as she'd a feeling she knew how it was going to end.

He closed her door and came inside, sitting down on her bed next to her. "Now, I want you to tell me exactly what happened."

Lenore quietly began to tell him about how her and Bre had discussed maybe her being allowed to play Guitar Hero for a little bit later. And how she hadn't wanted to disturb her sister from her schoolwork, as she really wanted to be able to play with her later. She gulped a little, as she got to the part about her getting into the car and turning it on.

"I was only getting my CD, Daddy.... I’ve seen Bre do it thousands of times," Lenore whimpered. "But then the car moved, an' I hit the wrong pedal an' it went flying through the garage door!"

She began to cry again. "It was scary! An' I didn't know how to make the car stop an' stay stopped. Bre had to do that for me."

Elliot sighed. "Lenore, you know that you're not supposed to be in the car by yourself, or even near the car by yourself, much less turning it on by yourself. If you wanted your CD you should've asked your sister or waited until I got back home. You know that right?"

"But you told me not to disturb her," Lenore protested softly. "An' Jenny says she's done it lots an' her Daddy's car's never moved on her!"

"I don't care what Jenny does. There are rules for a reason, Lenore. You could've gotten badly hurt today. Thank goodness you didn't drive out into the street and get hit by another car! You could be dead right now!" he said, taking a deep breath. "You are not to do anything like that ever again, Young Lady, do you understand?"

"Yesss...." Lenore nodded like crazy. "It was too scary, Daddy."

"I can imagine," he said, giving her a hug. "Next time you want something out of the car either ask your sister or wait for me to get home, okay?"

"I promise!" Lenore said earnestly, hugging him tightly, her Teddy Bear still in her arms as well.

"Good," he said. "Now you know you deserve a spanking, right?"

Lenore's shoulders sagged, her eyes filling with tears once more. "But Daddy.... I'm all ready super, super, super sorry! An' I was really, really, REALLY scared!"

"I know you are, and I know you were. But you broke the rules, and when you break rules there are consequences. You could've badly hurt yourself or somebody else, and I don't want to take the chance of you doing something like that ever again."

"But Daddy, I won't! I swear with all of my heart!" Lenore insisted firmly, though honestly.

Elliot hated spanking either of his girls, but sometimes he felt it was necessary, and this was one of those times. Instead of arguing with her, he stood up and reached for the chair to her desk, setting it in the middle of the floor. "Come on, kiddo," he said. "Let's get this over with." He knew she would be reluctant, so said, "the sooner we do, the sooner you can play Guitar Hero with Bre."

"Can I keep holding Mr. Stuffles?" Lenore asked softly, hugging her teddy bear.

Elliot nodded, "yes, of course."

Lenore chewed on her bottom lip nervously, as she stood on shaky legs, slowly making her way over to her father.

Elliot helped her over his lap and began spanking her mildly over her pants. "I'm disappointed in you, little one," he scolded gently. "You know better than to do what you did today." He increased the intensity of the spanks, giving her a few swats to the sit spots.

Lenore began to cry almost immediately, as she buried her face into Mr. Stuffles.

He gave her a few more mild swats then stopped for a moment. "Are you learning your lesson?" he wanted to know.

Lenore was silent a moment, not sure how to answer. If she said she was, would he only spank her over her jeans? And if she said no, would he spank her bare?

It didn't matter, though, because he took her silence as a "no" and continued the spanking. "I asked you a question young lady."

"I feel sorry...." Lenore cried. "But...I-I dunno...."

He stopped for another moment. "Don't worry -- I'm not finished yet. I only wanted to know if you're beginning to learn," he said sincerely. He then reached for the waistband of her pants.

"Noooooooo!" Lenore wailed, burying her face back into her teddy bear.

"It's necessary, little one. I promised you that at least some portion of every spanking would be bare from now on, didn't I?" He then tugged them, and her panties, down to her knees, resting his hand on her bottom. "I hope that this will help you learn that you are to follow the rules. They are set for a reason... to keep you safe. And there's no sense in you breaking them because of impatience. You could've gotten badly hurt today." He then began spanking her bare bottom, turning her slightly pink bottom to a darker shade of pink within a matter of seconds.

Lenore howled loudly, as she tried her very hardest not to reach back. "Daddyyyyy! I'm sorreee!"

He continued a little longer to drive the lesson home. "Now do you feel that you've learned your lesson?" he wanted to know, but didn't stop raining down the smacks.

"Yessss!" Lenore shrieked, her one hand finally flying back, though the other still clung to her beloved stuffed friend.

Elliot gave her a couple of hard swats to the sit spots and then stopped the spanking. He kept her like that for a moment, rubbing her back and allowing her to regain her composure.

Lenore lie there crying, her breathing hitching every so often. "I'm sorreee...."

Elliot finally lifted her up and gave her a big hug, almost crying himself. "I'm so glad you're okay," he said. "Please never do anything like that again."

"I won't...." Lenore sobbed, burying her face into him. "I promise!"

He held her for a minute and then said, "let's finish cleaning up the pieces of the garage, and then if Bre has finished her homework, you two can play guitar hero. How does that sound?"

"O-Okay...." Lenore sniffled, clinging to him just a little tighter. She wasn't quite ready to let go just yet.

Elliot rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. "You okay, kiddo?" he asked, noting that maybe she needed a little more reassurance that everything was okay. That could be a tragic accident in her eyes. He picked her up in his arms and pulled her close. "Everything's okay now, sweetie."

Lenore hugged him and her teddy bear both even tighter. "It was super scary, Daddy. I thought I was gonna die!"

She buried her face into his shoulder. "I'm never, EVER gonna drive!"

She stayed snuggled into him for ten minutes or so, before speaking once more. "Daddy, how soon can Bre play Guitar Hero with me?"

"Let's go see how her project is doing and we'll find out," he said.

"Kay," Lenore answered, sliding off his lap carefully and taking hold of his hand. She was feeling a little bit clingy still. She went with him down into the kitchen, and let go of his hand long enough to tackle her sister in a hug from behind.

"How's your work comin' Bre?" She asked, still latched onto her sister

"Ughh, it's so much, but it's going really well. I think I’m almost finished with it. I just have to do the power point." Bre threw an arm around Lenore. "You okay?" she asked gently

"I think so..." Lenore said softly, hoisting Mr. Stuffles up a little bit. "But Mr. Stuffles still wants lots more cuddles."

She paused a long moment, then looked up at their father. "Daddy, can Bre play now? Pleeeease?"

Elliot looked over Bre's shoulder to see that she had made sufficient progress in her homework. "Yes, you two can play until nine," he said, then, looking at Bre, said, "but at nine o'clock I want you to get finished with the research and started on the PowerPoint, understood?"

"Yes, sir," Bre said happily, jumping up. "Come on, sis! Let's play!"

Lenore cheered excitedly, and hurried on after her sister, the two of them going into Breanna’s room to play Guitar Hero. So what if they could only play until nine? Least they still got to play!

Mackenzie's Incredible Story World

For those of you who love the Katelyn and Jessica series, I have a huge treat for you :)  My friend, Mackenzie, the co-author who writes from Katelyn's point of view most of the time, has started her own blog.  Check it out and let her know what you think!  She's kind of new at this, but anxious for feedback, so check her out and leave a nice comment or two... http://mackenzieincrediblestoryworld.blogspot.com/

Story: It's Okay To Be Imperfect

Part of the Jessica/Katelyn series.  Katelyn and Daniel have a heart to heart.

It's Okay To Be Imperfect

by Mackenzie

I step forward one way and step back another. I put myself together, only to fall apart again. I’m constantly trying to succeed but only find I’m falling behind. They say I’m doing great but inside, I feel myself breaking into millions of tiny pieces. If I’m so perfect, why do I always mess up? If I’m so smart, why do I feel like the biggest idiot ever? I lost myself so long ago, before they left this world. Now I’m stuck here, in this house, spending my time worrying about homework and school instead of worrying about me. I hate myself for who I am. Will I ever be good enough?

I never felt good enough. I never felt smart enough. I was supposed to be the perfect child, the one that my parents had always dreamed of. I wasn’t Jessica, the future “delinquent” and I wasn’t Robert, the gay one.  I was Katelyn, the smart, studious, pretty and talented one. But I never felt smart. I never felt studious. I never felt pretty. I never felt talented. I have spent my life trying to live up to my ideals, trying to become the person I want to be, but I find myself always falling short, never being what I want to be. I hate myself for who I am. I hate myself for being me. Why can’t I just be Jessica? I’d rather be perfectly imperfect than have to live up to the expectations I and others have set for me. Besides, I’m starting to think Robert would rather just have Jessica around than me. She doesn’t get in trouble nearly as much as I do. She doesn’t disappoint Robert in the ways I do. I’m a screw-up, a complete and total screw-up. And I’ll never make it to where I want to be.

Sometimes I think Robert and Daniel expect way too much of me. Aren’t I just allowed to break down sometimes? When I’m cutting or burning, I can be imperfect. I can have my faults. I can be human. I’m allowed to have flaws. But when I’m not, it’s like the burdens of being perfect are on me again. I’m so sick of having to be this way. I want to break down. I want Robert and Daniel to understand that I can’t always be perfect. But then I think, I’ve started to expect the same of myself. So do I really have anything to complain about?

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just live like a normal human being? For someone as “perfect” as me, I definitely have some issues. I’m not as smart as they say. I’m not all that studious. I’m a hideous, stupid human being with absolutely no talent. I am the bane of my brother and sister’s existence. They’d be better off without me, wouldn’t they? I’d be better off without me too.

But despite my efforts to keep this away from Robert and Daniel and especially Jessica, they’d somehow found out. Oh yeah, it probably had something to do with the fact that I cut myself until I fainted and Robert found me. Yeah, that might have something to do with it. So they were going to ACTUALLY start taking me to therapy. You wanna know how much that sucks? It sucks a lot. A LOT.  There is no other idea I hate more than the idea of going to therapy, where someone is going to analyze me and my problems. Then everyone will find out I’m not as perfect as they think. But isn’t that what I wanted? I don’t know what I want anymore.

All I know is that my life was getting anything but easier or better. It was getting harder… and worse.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Katelyn, honey, wake up,” I heard a gentle voice whisper as someone softly shook me awake.

I opened my eyes slowly, expecting to see Robert but seeing Daniel instead, with a sad smile on his face.

“What time is it?” I asked, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. It was bright outside and light was streaming in through my windows but that didn’t tell me anything. Jessica was still asleep, but that didn’t tell me anything either, especially since her sleep pattern isn’t very predictable.

“It’s about 9:15.”

“Why’d you wake me up?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

Was this ever a good sign? No.

“Where’s Robert?” Obviously, that’s definitely a reaction he should have expected. I liked Daniel, but I wasn’t very close to him. Jessica and he were close and Robert and I were close, not the other way around.

“He had some last minute calls. A couple of his patients are really sick so he went in to the office for a few appointments. I know it’s a Saturday, but it was important.”

“Ah,” I replied, “I see.”

“Come on, get dressed and we’ll go get some breakfast, ok?” he said, patting my leg.

“What about Jessica?”

“Just you and me, kiddo. She’ll sleep ‘til noon anyway. She stayed up super late last night. I had to force her to go to bed.” He laughed.

I laughed uneasily along with him. I got the feeling Daniel wanted to talk to me about something I wasn’t too keen on talking about. So I asked him, “Why are we going to breakfast?”

“I just wanted to do something with you today is all,” he answered. That was probably the truth, but probably not the whole truth.

“Okay,” I whispered, not really feeling like doing this but going along with it anyway.

“Come on, get dressed. I’ll meet you downstairs in a few and then we’ll head out, okay?”

“Alright.”

“Love you, kiddo,” he said, kissing my forehead.

“Love you too,” I whispered back as he walked out of the room. This was way too weird for my liking.

I slowly got out of bed and walked towards my dresser and pulled out some clothes for the day, pants and a t-shirt, even though it was summer, because my scars on my legs were still too fresh and too many. My arms weren’t as bad. Besides, I wore sweatbands to cover up the scars on my wrist, which was the worst anyway. I still can’t believe I was careless enough to do that when Robert was watching. Then again, I was very emotional at the time. But then, I’m emotional pretty much all the time.

After I had thrown on my clothes and grabbed a jacket because it was bound to be cold in the restaurant, I headed downstairs and met with Daniel, who was standing in the entryway, waiting for me. I never did stuff with Daniel and if it was under a different circumstance than the one I’m pretty sure this was under, I probably would have felt great about it, but I didn’t. I got the feeling he knew what was up. And while in some ways, it felt great that he cared about me, in other ways it sucked, because I didn’t want anyone to really understand and still, in others, I wished they would just get the fact that I was really sick of this whole “being perfect” thing. I was so tired of always having to be the best.

“You ready, Kate?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s go.”

We walked out into the morning. God only knew what this day would bring.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Where do you want to get breakfast?” he asked as we pulled out of the driveway.

“I don’t care,” I answered. “Whatever is fine.”

“What about Denny’s? You like Denny’s don’t you?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I whispered, staring out the window.

“Okay,” he answered. “Then that’s where we’ll go.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m so sick of fighting just to live one more day. I’m so tired of living only to see the rain. This life wasn’t what I expected it to be. I lost it all only for everyone to expect way more than I was able to give. Why won’t the rain just stop? Why can’t I turn back time? Why’d they have to go? I thought I had it under control. I thought everything was going to be alright. But I miss them more than I’ll ever let anyone know. Inside, I’m hurting more than I’ll ever show. This life is turning upside down on me. The days are getting shorter it seems, as the nights get longer. Will the rain ever stop?

Robert didn’t know how much mom and dad’s deaths really affected me. Neither did Jessica. She probably thought that it didn’t affect me at all. I didn’t let it show, but losing them was like dying myself. Losing them was like losing a part of me. Mom and dad did expect a lot of me but they never expected as much out of me as I feel like everyone here expects of me.

When mom and dad died, I grew apart from Jessica and growing apart from Jessica killed me inside. We were twins. We were supposed to be close. We were supposed to have a bond unlike other siblings. Instead of being there for each other when our parents died, we turned away from each other. I didn’t just lose my parents that day. I lost my best friend as well.

And now Jessica hates me. And knowing that destroys me. I know Robert loves me but he isn’t Jessica. He isn’t my twin. She resents me more than she resents anyone else. I’ve become her enemy instead of her best friend. I’m not her sister anymore. I’m competition instead. Maybe she still loves me. Even though I keep telling myself she probably doesn’t, I know she probably does. Still, I find myself hating who I’ve become, who I am and all that I ever was. If I was just a different person, if I was anyone but me, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Maybe mom and dad would still be alive. Maybe Jessica would still love me. Maybe Robert wouldn’t expect so much of me. Maybe I could just breathe for once.

Do I even deserve to breathe though?

It’s a vicious cycle. But I don’t care. I don’t deserve to have high self-esteem. I don’t deserve anything but the worst life possible. I wish I could take mom and dad’s place. Jessica needs them back. She can do without me.

I’m falling even as I try to fly. I’m drowning even as I try to swim. I’m dying even as I try to live.

Everything is falling to pieces and no matter what I do to stop it, I can’t.

I’m dying… even as I try to live…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We sat down at our table as the waitress asked us what we wanted to drink and said she’d be back a few minutes later to take our order.

I sat there, staring blankly at the menu. I knew what I’d get and I knew I’d only eat enough to satisfy Daniel and that after that I would stop. Pancakes were simple enough and filling enough that I could convince Daniel I didn’t need more. Yeah, that’s what I would get. As you can see, I haven’t learned from any of those times. Robert and Daniel’s attempts to get me to see the light haven’t worked. Obviously, no one can save me, so why are they even trying?

The waitress came back and took our orders and then left, saying she’d be back later with our food. I remained quiet, hoping not to go onto the topic of therapy and my issues that I knew Daniel would bring up.

“So how are you doing today, Katelyn?” Oh God, there he goes. It’s starting.

“I’m fine,” I whispered, stirring my spoon in my orange juice. Not that I needed to; it was just something to do with my hands.

“Robert and I are just really worried about you, Katelyn.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, Daniel. How many times do I have to tell you guys that?” I was lying through my teeth, as you can obviously tell.

“I know what you say, Katelyn, but I also know that it isn’t true at all.”

“You can believe whatever you want. That doesn’t mean you’re right.”

“And you can say whatever you want but that doesn’t mean you’re right, does it?”

I said nothing, just kept stirring my orange juice.

“Katelyn, I’m really worried about you. I just need to make sure you’re okay. And not just me, but Robert too. We both need to make sure you’re okay. We love you and we care about you, don’t you know that?”

“Of course I know that.” But I didn’t care. And they obviously didn’t know how sick I was of their unrealistic expectations of me.

“Good. I’m glad you know.” He paused. “Part of the reason I took you out to breakfast this morning was to let you know that you’re starting therapy on Monday.”

“Wonderful,” I answered sarcastically.

“We need to do this, Katelyn. You were in the emergency room for self-injury wounds just a week ago.”

“Whatever,” I answered. “I don’t care.”

“What is going on, Katelyn? You were doing so great just a few months ago.”

“I’m not perfect, Daniel, and I never will be, so stop expecting me to be.” If that wasn’t blunt I don’t know what was.

“I don’t expect you to be, Katelyn. You’re human. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to mess up sometimes.”

I said nothing.

“Is this what’s been bothering you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He said nothing, as our food had just come. This was a little too private of a conversation for the waitress to hear.

When she left he whispered across the table, “Katelyn, it’s okay to be imperfect.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I don’t care what anyone says. I have to be perfect. It’s the only way I know how to live. Even if I’m sick of it, it’s what I know, so I have to be it. I’ll never sacrifice my ideals for anything, even as I’m cutting myself, even as I’m burning myself, even as I’m plotting ways to get rid of myself, I will NEVER sacrifice them. Because it’s not okay to be imperfect, not for me and it’s not okay to make mistakes, not for me. I may be sick of being perfect, but it’s all I know, and it’s all I’ll ever be able to be.

Because I’m supposed to be the image of perfection. I’m supposed to be the ideal child. I’m supposed to be my parents’ dream come to life. Yet I’m constantly making mistakes. Even as I’m perfect, I’m screwing up. I’m a failure and I’ll never be anything else. A perfect failure, that’s what I am.

They loved me, didn’t they? But they’re gone now. I’ll never see my mom’s beautiful face again. I’ll never hear my dad’s deep laughter again. I won’t taste either of their cooking and I’ll never listen to my mother’s singing. We’ll never have another family meal with them or watch TV together. My dad will never read me another bedtime story or tell me how proud he is of me. My mom won’t be there when I have my first child and my dad won’t be there to walk me down the aisle. All I have left in this world is Robert, Jessica and Daniel, but they’ll never be mom and dad. They’ll never be the people who gave me life.

I have to honor my parents by living up to what they expected of me. I have to be perfect or I’ll never amount to anything in this life. They told me I have more potential than anyone they’d ever known. They told me I was the smartest of the entire family, that I was beautiful, that I was a wonderful student, that I had more talent than anyone they knew. No, I never want to hear those words again. I never want anyone to tell me any of those things again, not if it’s not coming from my mother or father’s mouth.

I’m going insane, aren’t I? I don’t know anything anymore. This entire situation is eating me alive.

I’m dying even as I try to live.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

We were on our way home when Daniel pulled into an empty parking lot and put the car in park. He stopped and looked directly at me.

“Katelyn, I just want you to know that Robert and I care very deeply for you. We love you. You can talk to us about anything, ok? I know that something’s bothering you. I know that there’s more you’re dealing with right now than you’ll probably ever share with us. But you need to know that you’re not alone in this. Robert and I and Jessica are there for you all the way, ok? We love you. We care about you. And we want you to be safe. Katelyn, there is nothing wrong with making a mistake here or there. It’s human and you’re human. And there’s nothing wrong with that.  You’re going to make a mistake here and there. You’re going to screw up every once in awhile. You might get in trouble for those screw-ups but sometimes, it’s just going to happen and there’s nothing you’re going to be able to do to stop it.”

He paused, “Katelyn, it’s okay to not always measure up because you won’t always measure up. You’re growing up and you’re learning. I know you probably struggle with this whole idea that you have to be perfect, but you don’t. And I’m okay with you messing up every once in awhile. Because you’re human. Because it will happen. Because nobody is perfect, not even Robert. Okay?” He paused again. “Katelyn, it’s okay to be imperfect.”

With that I started crying. That’s the second time he had said that. I wanted to hide my face from him but he wouldn’t let me, instead he reached out for a hug.

“Come here, Kate,” he said, reaching across to embrace me. “Give me a hug.”

I wrapped my arms around him and cried into his shoulder. “It’s okay, baby. You’re not alone. We’ll get through this together. Everything’s gonna be alright.” He kissed my head. “I love you so much,” he whispered as he held me and rubbed my back until I calmed down and then released me.

“Do you feel better after getting that out?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah,” I answered.

“Good. Now, let’s get home.”

Katelyn, it’s okay to be imperfect.

It’s okay to be imperfect…